I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
