i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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