dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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