Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
