My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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