The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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