FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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