the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
