I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
