the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
