I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
