I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
