Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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