How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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