Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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