at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
