Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
