just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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