Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
