you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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