did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize