i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
