i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
