So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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