Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
