Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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