so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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