apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
