Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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