It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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