pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need water and some morals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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