I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
