you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
