Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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