Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
