I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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