so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I did not marry a roomba.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
