we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
