I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
