So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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