This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
