I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
