my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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