it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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