just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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