I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
