elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
