I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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