Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
