I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
