u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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