hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
