would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
