If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize