sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
