There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
