Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize