Kiss
Puke
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
