Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
