Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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