The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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