I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
