That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
