I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize