i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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