dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
