I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize