Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i've created a new STD.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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