6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
