Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
dude. I can hear the air.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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