I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
