She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
