oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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