Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize