I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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