He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
