i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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