He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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