I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
