If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
