apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
