Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize