If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
