i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
