I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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