Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
