Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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