You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
