my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
