I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
