sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
