Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
