I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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