there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
