I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
