you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize