the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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